How Stupid Do They Think I Am?

Okay, first off, how come if I am the “Dear beloved friend” is the e-mail sent to “undisclosed recipients”? Don’t sound to me like I have either beloved or a friend if the fellow has no idea who I am and sent this to multiple people.

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subject: Dear beloved friend,

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Dear beloved friend,

I am glad to inform you that I have successfully concluded the transaction,the money has been transferred to London. It is done through the assistant of your country man Mr. Howard who is a London base business man. Currently I am in London with him , my wife and ildren.In appreciate of your assistance I have mapped out as a compensation and wrote on your favor a Draft worth of US$1,500,000.00. (One Million,Five Hundred Thousand United States Dollars Only) I left the Draft with my secretary Mr.Mike Egini on my departure to London. I would like you therefore,to contact him on the below info so that he can mail it to you.

Name: Mike Egini .
Email:(mikeegini0@ [e-mail removed by CyberCat])

However,I did not forget you because you are the source of my success, you made me what I am now though you are not there to complete this project with me but I gave all the credit and thanks to you. I know it is not your fault or rather your wish to back up on me and the transaction,I understand it is simply because of what you must have heard about my continent and her business opportunities. Actually there are still good ones for example myself.
Regards,
Mr.Paul akuma

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“…Currently I am in London with him , my wife and ildren…” Well.. I hope that you and your ildren have fun in London.

“….you are the source of my success, you made me what I am now though you are not there to complete this project with me but I gave all the credit and thanks to you….” Yes, I’m sure you will be lifting a glass of champaign in my honor when you have finished stealing me blind. No thank you. Go away. Plz Thnk u.

Don’t fall for these things people, they are just out to get your bank information so they can rip you off.

Okay, this one just raises the hairs along the back of my neck and says “No! Don’t Click That!” It looks innocent enough, but I’m not about to get snared by them morons.

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Subject: Hey, you have a new Greeting !!!

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Hello friend !

You have just received a Greeting from someone who cares about you!

Just click here to receive your Animated Greeting !

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Thank you for using www.Greetings.com services !!!
Please take this opportunity to let your friends hear about us by sending them a postcard from our collection !
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In posting this here, I have replaced their link (which goes to a virus download) with the link to the Hallmark.com information on this e-card scam.

DO NOT click on any greeting cards you are not expecting, and particularly not on one that just says “from a friend” or something similar.

Hallmark.com says in part:

“A fraudulent e-mail flooding the Internet claims to have a link to an E-Card from a family member, friend or neighbor and uses major greeting card company names such as Hallmark. Clicking on the link downloads a virus onto your computer that compromises personal data.”

I got this in the e-mail today and had a good snicker over it. First was the request to notify the sender that I had received it. I don’t think so, you don’t need my confirmation that you found a good address to SPAM people.

So, what are them Nigerians up to?

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Subject: CONTACT THE PAYING BANK FOR YOUR PAYMENT

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FROM: AMBASSADOR BABAGANA KINGHIBE
DATE 12th SEPT 2007
SECETARY FEDERAL GOVERNMENT OF NIGERIA.
RE: AVAIL YOURSELF THIS OPPORTUNITY.

ATTN: HONOURABLE BENEFICIARY,

I am honourable AMBASSADOR BABAGANA KINGHIBE; The new secretary federal government of Nigeria of Office of the Presidency. I have being directed by His Excellency, The President of the Federal Republic of Nigeria UMAR MUSA YAR ADUA, who took seat of power as the new PRESIDENT OF THE FEDERAL REPUBLICE OF NIGERIA to bring to your notice that this new Government understands your Plight, the disappointment you have suffered in the past to get your Contract /inheritance fund paid to you. Due to what we described as selective Payment and incessant demand of excessive fee by some unscrupulous and corrupt erstwhile officials in charge of Foreign Contract/inheritance payment in the past.

we are sorry for what you have gone through in the hands of fake Government officials that have been cheating you fraudulently, do not worry your problems now is solved as this new Government will not take that any more, so treat with urgency.

In view of the determination and commitment of this new Government to Ensure that every outstanding contract/inheritance debts are settled, But to our greatest dismay, despite all the effort made last year by past Government to ensure that most beneficiary receive their payment, record still show that a lot of Contractors/inheritance beneficiaries did not receive their payment due To their inability to settle some outstanding up-front obligation to the Federal Government.

Based on this, the President, UMAR MUSA YAR ADUA has approved the sum of US$1.8Billion Dollars in this year’s budget for the settlement of These outstanding debts.You are advised to contact SALEH G. SALEH (Director, Computer/ Telex Dept) FIRST INLAND BANK PLC, for the immediate release of your Overdue Contract/inheritance payment. However, we wish to inform you that you have been short-listed among The TEN contractors/beneficiaries that will benefit from the US$1.8 Billion Dollars Approved by the president, all you need to do is to contact the director Computer/telex dept to inform you how you will receive your fund Immediately. Do whatever you are told to do to enable you receive your money; we are Sorry for the delay you might experience.

CONTACT THE BANK FOR YOUR PAYMENT:SALEH G.
SALEH:first.ad_inlandbankplc@yahoo.dk

Sincerely Yours,
AMBASSADOR BABAGANA KINGHIBE.

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Okay, so let me see if I got this right, they have it set up where if I will only contact them and provide everything they ask from me with no questions asked they will immediately give me my cut of US $1.8 billion? I’m one of only ten people that can take advantage of this great deal with no questions asked? Hmmm…. I’m afraid I have a question. How stupid do these people think I am?

No, I’m not going to contact the bank of whatever for unpaid inheritance/contract payments. This is one of them cases where they are looking for people wanting to slip through the paper shuffle and get in on a good deal. All you need is my bank information? Kewl!

How soon can you empty my account? When can I expect my good name to take a nose dive down into bad credit that ain’t even mine? The list of things that I can expect goes on into worse things, but you can bet that nowhere in that list is a ten percent cut of US $1.8 Billion.

No, the Nigerians are not repenting, this is just another in a long line of scams that should be pegged to that area of the SPAM index.

I have to say, this one made me snicker. I got this over at MySpace and … :::shaking head::: I was so tempted to repost it with a breakdown of what is wrong with this scenario, but shoot, why pester my friends with it?

So, here it is…

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Posted as: Sad Wal-Mart Story

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Sad Wal-Mart Story A sister and her brother were inside a new Wal-Mart. The sister at eight years of age and the brother seventeen years of age. The brother was wanting to buy a present for his little sister beacuse her birthday was coming up. As they were about to leave, she had to go to the bathroom. Her brother showed her where the restrooms were and he began looking at earrings he thought she might like for her birthday.As he started to buy the earrings, he saw people running from the end of the store screaming and yelling with fear. In the next moment he smelled smoke and saw flames. He ran to his little sister as fast as he could but when he got to the bathrooms the fire was already blazing. He knew he had to leave to make sure help was coming. When the firetrucks arrived it was already too late. They assured the family that there were no survivors. Two days later the family got a call from the hospital. They told them that they had someone there by the name of Sandy. They asked, “How did you get this number?” The hospital replied that the little girl had a purse clutched in her little hand with a card that gave her name and number on it. The family drove to the hospital to see their little angel. While they thanked God for her survival, they noticed her arms were burnt so severely they were both amputated and her face was burned and she needed surgery. The family didn’t have any health insurance and very little money to cover the bill. This family needs our HELP!NOTE:
Everytime someone reposts this story, MYSPACE will take $2.00 off the hospital bill.DO NOT DELETE! MYSPACE IS TRACKING THIS!Please repost “Sad Wal-Mart Story”. God knows who you are.

Karma knows it could happen to you
$2.00 off the hospital bill

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Now for the breakdown.First off, so any of us REALLY believe that MySpace - or any big company someone wants to put in the line there (I’ve seen these for Bill Gates too) will track SPAM and pay off to charity for how many times the SPAM is forwarded to others? The karma you get out of this is your friends all getting mad because you filled their inbox or comments or other such space with useless junk they had to waste their time deleting. That ain’t the sort of karma I want to be building up!This post draws at the heartstrings. Brother shopping for gift he thinks his sister might like. He sends her off on her own to set up the ‘he had to have felt AWFUL!’ cries in the reader. Fire, no survivors but.. wait.. the firemen missed that they pulled someone out and sent them to the hospital!

Th word “little” is spread out liberally when talking about the girl, drawing on the protective instincts of everyone that has kids or grandkids etc… the writer wants the reader to feel for the poor “little” girl — reminds me of the commercials on television showing the doe-eyed litte girl as who you are saving - a girl that has got to be in her 20’s based on how long ago I first saw the commercial.

And if all the hear string pulling and sad story telling is not enough to keep things moving. Bring on the fire and brimstone! God is watching! Yes, God wants you to send stupid spam to your friends. He wants you to waste their time. Sounds more to me, for them good God fearing folks out there clicking away to send that off, like it’s a Devil’s trick more than a request of God. Yes, God is watching and this is a test to see if you are smart enough to outwit even the most pitiful of the Devil’s tricks.

Don’t send things like this around places like MySpace or your buddy list or into the e-mail. No one is lowering any bills and indeed no one was even injures. Not a eight year old and not an eighty year old. No one.

For more on this scam check out the Snopes listing for it.