How Stupid Do They Think I Am?

Yes, that intrepid FBI agent “Robert S. Mueller III” is back once again in my inbox, only this time he has decided that I am the rightful recipient of the money and wants “…in conjunction with some other relevant Investigation Agencies…” to help me in getting the over-due contract payment that their “…Global intelligence monitoring network…” has told them I am due. They will help me make sure that it is all on the up and up as I work with them and the Central Bank of Nigeria to make my claim.

Must hurry though, because while they have taken out time to assure that this is the real thing, they have found that there is someone else that might get to the money first. And they’re in OHIO.  I suppose the capitalization is supposed to send fear through me and make me dash off to get my details in first before that sneak from OHIO beats me to my millions of dollars that  FBI agent “Robert S. Mueller III”assures me is not a scam.

I’ve included the email I got below. Steer clear of anything that looks like this.

_________________________________

ROBERT MUELLER III
EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR FBI
FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION
FBI.WASHINGTON D.C
INTERNET

ATTENTION: BENEFICIARY,

The Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) Washington D.C
in conjunction with some other relevant Investigation Agencies
have recently been informed through our Global intelligence
monitoring network that your over-due contract payment
which was fully endorsed in your favour accordingly by the
Central Bank of Nigeria has not been claimed.

It might interest you to know that we have taken out time
in screening through this project as stipulated on our
protocol of operation and have finally
confirmed that your contract payment is 100% genuine and
hitch free from all facet and of which you have the lawful
right to claim your fund without any further delay.
We further advise that you go ahead in dealing with the
Governor of the Central Bank office accordingly as we will
be monitoring all their services with you as well as your
correspondence at all level.

We were also made to understand that a lady with name Mrs.
Joan C.Bailey from OHIO has already contacted them and also
presented to them all the necessary documentation evidencing your
claim purported to have been signed personally by you prior to
the release of your contract fund valued at about US$8,000,000.00
(Eight million United States Dollars), but the Central Bank office
did the wise thing by insisting on hearing from you personally
before they go ahead on wiring your funds to the Bank information
which was forwarded to them by the above named Lady so that the
main reason why they contacted us so as to assist them in making
the investigation.

Contact immediately the office of the Central Bank of Nigeria (CBN)
via the private email of the governor with the below information accordingly:
(Please endeavour to use this code while contacting him –”CODE 777″ )

NAME: Sanusi Lamido Sanusi
OFFICE ADDRESS: Central Bank of Nigeria,
Central Business District,
Cadastral Zone, Abuja, Federal
Capital Territory, Nigeria.
Email: cbn777@sify.com
Phone: +234-805-121-5850

Meanwhile, we will advise that you  contact the office
of the Governor of the Central Bank immediately with
the above email address and request that they attend
to your payment file as directed, so as to enable you
receive your contract fund accordingly.

To this effect, you are required to reconfirm and
authenticate your given particulars below for certainty
and onward processing and release of you funds
as we may not be held liable for any wrong payment.

FULL NAMES: __________________________________
CITY: _________________________
STATE: __________________________________
ZIP: ______________
COUNTRY________________________________
SEX: _______________
AGE: __________________
TELEPHONE NUMBER: _____________________
EMAIL ADDRESS: _____________________

Ensure you follow all their procedure as may be required by
them as that will further help hasten up the whole procedure
as regard to the transfer of your fund to you as designated.
Also have in mind that the Central Bank of Nigeria
equally have their own protocol of operation as stipulated
on their banking terms, so delay could be very dangerous.

Thank you very much for your anticipated co-operation in
advance as we earnestly await your urgent response to this matter.

Best Regards,

Robert S. Mueller III
Federal Bureau of Investigation
J. Edgar Hoover Building
935 Pennsylvania Avenue,
NW Washington, D.C.
Private email : robmull4@aol.com

Okay, I got a e-mail a little while ago that claimed that the FBI was gonna get me if I don’t watch out.  I’ll post it in a second, but the basics – for those that don’t want to read through it, is that the FBI knows that “THE C.B.N BANK, NIGERIA DISTRICT, HAS RELEASED TO THE TUNE OF$10,500,000.00 U.S DOLLARS INTO THE BANK OF AMERICA IN YOUR NAME AS THE BENEFICIARY,COURTESY OF INHERITTANCE.”  Ummm… this is good, why don’t *I* know about it though?  And better, why can’t the FBI’s computer techs spell “inheritance”?  Even I spelled it right on the first try and I can’t spell very good when my fingers are cold – which they are at the moment.

So, what exactly does this  e-mail want from me?  Oh, not much, it just seems to want:

1, CREDIT PAYMENT INSTRUCTION: IRREVOCABLE CREDIT GUARANTEE

2,BENEFICIARY HAS FULL POWER WHEN VALIDATION IS
CLEARED.

3,BENEFICIARIES BANK IN U.S.A, CAN ONLY RELEASE FUNDS
UPON CONFIRMATION FROM THE WORLD BANK/IMF OR UNITED NATIONS.

4,BEARER MUST CLEAR BANK PROTOCOL AND VALIDATION REQUEST

That’s not too much to ask for, is it?  Oh, and I almost forgot, it’s such an insignificant thing after all, they apparently want my fingerprints as well.  Say what?  Yeah, that’s what I said.

 However,An FBI Identification Record and Diplomatic Immunity Seal Of Transfer (DIST) often referred to
as a Criminal History Record or Rap Sheet, is a listing of Certain information taken from fingerprint
submissions retained by the FBI in Connection with arrests and, in some instances, federal employment,
naturalization, or military service.

And what, do you ask, happens if I don’t send them all of this information?  Oh, not much…

 THESE CONDITION IS VALID UNTIL
THE 5th OF DECEMBER 2008, AFTER WHICH WE SHALL TAKE ACTIONS ON CANCELLING THE
PAYMENT AND THEN CHARGE YOU FOR ILLEGALLY MOVING OF FUNDS OUT OF NIGERIA.

Turn it over *TODAY* or we’ll charge you for…. wait, what was they charging me for again?  (I think they can be charged for bad spelling and typing in all caps myself, but anyway the *FBI* is after me for a bank trasnfer from Nigeria??  Ain’t that a little bit out of the FBI’s jurrisdiction?  I’ll tell you what, boys and girls, charge away, just make sure you send Special Agent Martin Fitzgerald and Special Agent Danny Taylor to question me.  Kay please thanks.

As for the e-mail, I sent it to the IC3.  Here’s the original I got this afternoon:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ANTI-TERRORIST AND MONITORING CRIMES DIVISION
FBI HEADQUARTERS, WASHINGTON D.C.
FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION
J. EDGAR HOOVER BUILDING
935 PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE, NW WASHINGTON, D.C. 20535-0001

Date: 12/05/2008

ANTI-TERRORIST AND MONITORING CRIMES DIVISION

THIS IS AN OFFICIAL ADVICE FROM THE FBI FOREIGN REMITTANCE/TELEGRAPHIC DEPT. IT HAS
COME TO OUR NOTICE THAT THE C.B.N BANK, NIGERIA DISTRICT, HAS RELEASED TO THE TUNE OF
$10,500,000.00 U.S DOLLARS INTO THE BANK OF AMERICA IN YOUR NAME AS THE BENEFICIARY,
COURTESY OF INHERITTANCE.

THE C.B.N BANK NIGERIA, KNOWING FULLY WELL THAT THEY DO NOT HAVE ENOUGH FACILITIES
TO EFFECT THIS PAYMENT FROM THE UNITED KINGDOM TO YOUR ACCOUNT, USED WHAT WE
KNOW AS A SECRET DIPLOMATIC TRANSIT PAYMENT (S.T.D.P) TO PAY THIS FUND THROUGH WIRE
TRANSFER.

THEY ARE STILL, WAITING FOR CONFIRMATION FROM YOU ON THE ALREADY TRANSFERRED FUNDS,
WHICH WAS MADE IN DIRECT TRANSFER SO THAT THEY CAN FINALLY CREDIT IT INTO YOUR
ACCOUNT.

HOWEVER,SECRET DIPLOMATIC PAYMENTS ARE NOT MADE, UNLESS THE FUNDS ARE RELATED
TO TERRORIST ACTIVITIES. WHY MUST YOUR PAYMENT BE MADE IN SECRET TRANSFER? IF YOUR
TRANSACTION IS LEGITIMATE, IF YOU ARE NOT A TERRORIST, WHY DID YOU NOT RECEIVE THE
MONEY DIRECTLY INTO YOUR ACCOUNT? THIS IS ACTUALLY AN ILLEGAL MODE OF PAYMENT?

RECORDS WHICH WE HAVE HAD WITH THIS METHOD OF PAYMENT IN THE PAST, HAS ALWAYS
BEEN RELATED TO TERRORIST ACTIVITIES, WE DO NOT WANT YOU TO GET INTO TROUBLE AS
SOON AS THESE FUNDS REFLECT IN YOUR ACCOUNT IN THE U.S. SO IT IS OUR DUTY AS A WORLD
WIDE COMMISSION TO CORRECT THIS PROBLEM BEFORE THIS FUND WILL BE CREDITED INTO
YOUR PERSONAL ACCOUNT.

WE ADVICE YOU TO CONTACT US IMMEDIATELY, AS THE FUNDS HAVE BEEN STOPPED AND ARE
BEING HELD IN OUR CUSTODY, UNTIL YOU CAN BE ABLE TO PROVIDE US WITH A DIPLOMATIC
IMMUNITY SEAL OF TRANSFER (DIST) WITHIN 3 DAYS FROM THE WORLD LOCAL BANK FROM
WHERE THE FUNDS WERE TRANSFERED FROM, TO CERTIFY THAT THE FUNDS THAT YOU ARE
ABOUT TO RECEIVE FROM NIGERIA ARE ANTI -TERRORIST/DRUG FREE. OR ELSE WE SHALL HAVE
COURSE TO CROSS AND IMPOUND THE PAYMENT.WE SHALL ONLY RELEASE THE FUNDS
IMMEDIATELY WE RECEIVE THIS LEGAL DOCUMENTS
—————————————————————————–

We have decided to contact you directly to acquire the proper verifications and proof from you to show
that you are the rightful person to receive this fund, because of the amount involved. we want to make
sure that the money your about to receive is clean and legal. Be informed that the fund is now in the United
States in your name, but right now, we have given an authourisation to The Bank of America not to release
the funds untill we ask them to do so.This is because we have to carry out our investigations first before
releasing the funds to you.

So to this regards, you are to re-assure and prove to us that what you are about to receive is clean money
by sending to us, FBI Identification Record and also The Diplomatic Immunity Seal Of Transfer (DIST) to
satify that the money you are about to receive is legitimate. You are to forward the documents to us
immediately if you have it in your possession, if you don’t have it, let us know, so that you will be directed
on how and where to obtain the document and send to us, so that in turn,we will re-authourize the Bank
of America to credit your funds.

However,An FBI Identification Record and Diplomatic Immunity Seal Of Transfer (DIST) often referred to
as a Criminal History Record or Rap Sheet, is a listing of Certain information taken from fingerprint
submissions retained by the FBI in Connection with arrests and, in some instances, federal employment,
naturalization, or military service.

THESE CONDITION IS VALID UNTIL
THE 5th OF DECEMBER 2008, AFTER WHICH WE SHALL TAKE ACTIONS ON CANCELLING THE
PAYMENT AND THEN CHARGE YOU FOR ILLEGALLY MOVING OF FUNDS OUT OF NIGERIA.

GUARANTEE: FUNDS WILL BE RELEASED ON CONFIRMATION OF THESE DOCUMENTS.
——————————————————————————–

FINAL INSTRUCTION:

1, CREDIT PAYMENT INSTRUCTION: IRREVOCABLE CREDIT GUARANTEE

2,BENEFICIARY HAS FULL POWER WHEN VALIDATION IS
CLEARED.

3,BENEFICIARIES BANK IN U.S.A, CAN ONLY RELEASE FUNDS
UPON CONFIRMATION FROM THE WORLD BANK/IMF OR UNITED NATIONS.

4,BEARER MUST CLEAR BANK PROTOCOL AND VALIDATION REQUEST
——————————————————————————–

NOTE: We have asked for the above documents to make available the most complete and up-to date
records possible for the enhancement of public safety, welfare and security of the Society, while
recognizing the importance of individual privacy rights. If you fail to provide the Documents to us,
we will charge you for money laundering and take appriopriate actions against you for not prooving
to this commission, the legitimacy of the funds you are about to receive.

The United States Department of Justice Order (556-73) establishes rules and regulations for the subject
of an FBI Identification Record to obtain a copy of his or her own Record for review.

The FBI Criminal Justice Information Services (CJIS) Division processes these requests to check illegal
activities in the U.S.

An individual may request a copy of his or her own FBI Identification Record for personal review or to
challenge information on the Record. Other reasons an individual may request a copy of his or her own
Identification Record may include international adoption or to satisfy a requirement to live or work in a
foreign country or receive funds from another country (i.e., Diplomatic Immunity Seal Of Transfer, letter of
good conduct, criminal history back ground).

You are adviced to comply urgently.

Faithfully Yours,

FBI Director
Robert S. Mueller, III

I was emptying out junk mail today since some bastard automated program decided my domain name (not this one) made a great one to send bulk spam notes from. In the process of deleting things I got to deleting older stuff I had not got around to and I found this little bit of stupidity nestled down in the old messages.

---

Subject: FUND RELEASE.

---

FUND RELEASE.

Attn:Sir/Ma,

We the international Remittance Department of Central Bank Of Nigeria (CBN) Duly contacted you in respect of transfering of your fund to you.

Meanwhile,you are hearby advised to Re-confirm your full banking details to enable us facilitate the transfer of your fund to you between the next 48 Banking hours ok.

BELOW ARE DETAILS NEEDED.

1) Account Name:

2) Account Number:

3) swift Code:

4) Name of Bank:

5) Contact address of Bank:

6) Expected Amount:

N.B As soon as your banking details has been confirmed by us your fund shall be transfered to you immediately ok.

Waiting for your Banking details.

Thanks.

Head of Remittance Dept.

---

Yeah, like I am just going to send you all my information and let you empty out my bank account and get a new identity courtesy of me. No way dude!

Just delete these kinds of mass e-mailed things people, they’re just fishing for information and looking for people they can rip off.

I got this in the e-mail today and had a good snicker over it. First was the request to notify the sender that I had received it. I don’t think so, you don’t need my confirmation that you found a good address to SPAM people.

So, what are them Nigerians up to?

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Subject: CONTACT THE PAYING BANK FOR YOUR PAYMENT

---

FROM: AMBASSADOR BABAGANA KINGHIBE
DATE 12th SEPT 2007
SECETARY FEDERAL GOVERNMENT OF NIGERIA.
RE: AVAIL YOURSELF THIS OPPORTUNITY.

ATTN: HONOURABLE BENEFICIARY,

I am honourable AMBASSADOR BABAGANA KINGHIBE; The new secretary federal government of Nigeria of Office of the Presidency. I have being directed by His Excellency, The President of the Federal Republic of Nigeria UMAR MUSA YAR ADUA, who took seat of power as the new PRESIDENT OF THE FEDERAL REPUBLICE OF NIGERIA to bring to your notice that this new Government understands your Plight, the disappointment you have suffered in the past to get your Contract /inheritance fund paid to you. Due to what we described as selective Payment and incessant demand of excessive fee by some unscrupulous and corrupt erstwhile officials in charge of Foreign Contract/inheritance payment in the past.

we are sorry for what you have gone through in the hands of fake Government officials that have been cheating you fraudulently, do not worry your problems now is solved as this new Government will not take that any more, so treat with urgency.

In view of the determination and commitment of this new Government to Ensure that every outstanding contract/inheritance debts are settled, But to our greatest dismay, despite all the effort made last year by past Government to ensure that most beneficiary receive their payment, record still show that a lot of Contractors/inheritance beneficiaries did not receive their payment due To their inability to settle some outstanding up-front obligation to the Federal Government.

Based on this, the President, UMAR MUSA YAR ADUA has approved the sum of US$1.8Billion Dollars in this year’s budget for the settlement of These outstanding debts.You are advised to contact SALEH G. SALEH (Director, Computer/ Telex Dept) FIRST INLAND BANK PLC, for the immediate release of your Overdue Contract/inheritance payment. However, we wish to inform you that you have been short-listed among The TEN contractors/beneficiaries that will benefit from the US$1.8 Billion Dollars Approved by the president, all you need to do is to contact the director Computer/telex dept to inform you how you will receive your fund Immediately. Do whatever you are told to do to enable you receive your money; we are Sorry for the delay you might experience.

CONTACT THE BANK FOR YOUR PAYMENT:SALEH G.
SALEH:first.ad_inlandbankplc@yahoo.dk

Sincerely Yours,
AMBASSADOR BABAGANA KINGHIBE.

---

Okay, so let me see if I got this right, they have it set up where if I will only contact them and provide everything they ask from me with no questions asked they will immediately give me my cut of US $1.8 billion? I’m one of only ten people that can take advantage of this great deal with no questions asked? Hmmm…. I’m afraid I have a question. How stupid do these people think I am?

No, I’m not going to contact the bank of whatever for unpaid inheritance/contract payments. This is one of them cases where they are looking for people wanting to slip through the paper shuffle and get in on a good deal. All you need is my bank information? Kewl!

How soon can you empty my account? When can I expect my good name to take a nose dive down into bad credit that ain’t even mine? The list of things that I can expect goes on into worse things, but you can bet that nowhere in that list is a ten percent cut of US $1.8 Billion.

No, the Nigerians are not repenting, this is just another in a long line of scams that should be pegged to that area of the SPAM index.