How Stupid Do They Think I Am?

Okay, I got a e-mail a little while ago that claimed that the FBI was gonna get me if I don’t watch out.  I’ll post it in a second, but the basics – for those that don’t want to read through it, is that the FBI knows that “THE C.B.N BANK, NIGERIA DISTRICT, HAS RELEASED TO THE TUNE OF$10,500,000.00 U.S DOLLARS INTO THE BANK OF AMERICA IN YOUR NAME AS THE BENEFICIARY,COURTESY OF INHERITTANCE.”  Ummm… this is good, why don’t *I* know about it though?  And better, why can’t the FBI’s computer techs spell “inheritance”?  Even I spelled it right on the first try and I can’t spell very good when my fingers are cold – which they are at the moment.

So, what exactly does this  e-mail want from me?  Oh, not much, it just seems to want:

1, CREDIT PAYMENT INSTRUCTION: IRREVOCABLE CREDIT GUARANTEE

2,BENEFICIARY HAS FULL POWER WHEN VALIDATION IS
CLEARED.

3,BENEFICIARIES BANK IN U.S.A, CAN ONLY RELEASE FUNDS
UPON CONFIRMATION FROM THE WORLD BANK/IMF OR UNITED NATIONS.

4,BEARER MUST CLEAR BANK PROTOCOL AND VALIDATION REQUEST

That’s not too much to ask for, is it?  Oh, and I almost forgot, it’s such an insignificant thing after all, they apparently want my fingerprints as well.  Say what?  Yeah, that’s what I said.

 However,An FBI Identification Record and Diplomatic Immunity Seal Of Transfer (DIST) often referred to
as a Criminal History Record or Rap Sheet, is a listing of Certain information taken from fingerprint
submissions retained by the FBI in Connection with arrests and, in some instances, federal employment,
naturalization, or military service.

And what, do you ask, happens if I don’t send them all of this information?  Oh, not much…

 THESE CONDITION IS VALID UNTIL
THE 5th OF DECEMBER 2008, AFTER WHICH WE SHALL TAKE ACTIONS ON CANCELLING THE
PAYMENT AND THEN CHARGE YOU FOR ILLEGALLY MOVING OF FUNDS OUT OF NIGERIA.

Turn it over *TODAY* or we’ll charge you for…. wait, what was they charging me for again?  (I think they can be charged for bad spelling and typing in all caps myself, but anyway the *FBI* is after me for a bank trasnfer from Nigeria??  Ain’t that a little bit out of the FBI’s jurrisdiction?  I’ll tell you what, boys and girls, charge away, just make sure you send Special Agent Martin Fitzgerald and Special Agent Danny Taylor to question me.  Kay please thanks.

As for the e-mail, I sent it to the IC3.  Here’s the original I got this afternoon:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ANTI-TERRORIST AND MONITORING CRIMES DIVISION
FBI HEADQUARTERS, WASHINGTON D.C.
FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION
J. EDGAR HOOVER BUILDING
935 PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE, NW WASHINGTON, D.C. 20535-0001

Date: 12/05/2008

ANTI-TERRORIST AND MONITORING CRIMES DIVISION

THIS IS AN OFFICIAL ADVICE FROM THE FBI FOREIGN REMITTANCE/TELEGRAPHIC DEPT. IT HAS
COME TO OUR NOTICE THAT THE C.B.N BANK, NIGERIA DISTRICT, HAS RELEASED TO THE TUNE OF
$10,500,000.00 U.S DOLLARS INTO THE BANK OF AMERICA IN YOUR NAME AS THE BENEFICIARY,
COURTESY OF INHERITTANCE.

THE C.B.N BANK NIGERIA, KNOWING FULLY WELL THAT THEY DO NOT HAVE ENOUGH FACILITIES
TO EFFECT THIS PAYMENT FROM THE UNITED KINGDOM TO YOUR ACCOUNT, USED WHAT WE
KNOW AS A SECRET DIPLOMATIC TRANSIT PAYMENT (S.T.D.P) TO PAY THIS FUND THROUGH WIRE
TRANSFER.

THEY ARE STILL, WAITING FOR CONFIRMATION FROM YOU ON THE ALREADY TRANSFERRED FUNDS,
WHICH WAS MADE IN DIRECT TRANSFER SO THAT THEY CAN FINALLY CREDIT IT INTO YOUR
ACCOUNT.

HOWEVER,SECRET DIPLOMATIC PAYMENTS ARE NOT MADE, UNLESS THE FUNDS ARE RELATED
TO TERRORIST ACTIVITIES. WHY MUST YOUR PAYMENT BE MADE IN SECRET TRANSFER? IF YOUR
TRANSACTION IS LEGITIMATE, IF YOU ARE NOT A TERRORIST, WHY DID YOU NOT RECEIVE THE
MONEY DIRECTLY INTO YOUR ACCOUNT? THIS IS ACTUALLY AN ILLEGAL MODE OF PAYMENT?

RECORDS WHICH WE HAVE HAD WITH THIS METHOD OF PAYMENT IN THE PAST, HAS ALWAYS
BEEN RELATED TO TERRORIST ACTIVITIES, WE DO NOT WANT YOU TO GET INTO TROUBLE AS
SOON AS THESE FUNDS REFLECT IN YOUR ACCOUNT IN THE U.S. SO IT IS OUR DUTY AS A WORLD
WIDE COMMISSION TO CORRECT THIS PROBLEM BEFORE THIS FUND WILL BE CREDITED INTO
YOUR PERSONAL ACCOUNT.

WE ADVICE YOU TO CONTACT US IMMEDIATELY, AS THE FUNDS HAVE BEEN STOPPED AND ARE
BEING HELD IN OUR CUSTODY, UNTIL YOU CAN BE ABLE TO PROVIDE US WITH A DIPLOMATIC
IMMUNITY SEAL OF TRANSFER (DIST) WITHIN 3 DAYS FROM THE WORLD LOCAL BANK FROM
WHERE THE FUNDS WERE TRANSFERED FROM, TO CERTIFY THAT THE FUNDS THAT YOU ARE
ABOUT TO RECEIVE FROM NIGERIA ARE ANTI -TERRORIST/DRUG FREE. OR ELSE WE SHALL HAVE
COURSE TO CROSS AND IMPOUND THE PAYMENT.WE SHALL ONLY RELEASE THE FUNDS
IMMEDIATELY WE RECEIVE THIS LEGAL DOCUMENTS
—————————————————————————–

We have decided to contact you directly to acquire the proper verifications and proof from you to show
that you are the rightful person to receive this fund, because of the amount involved. we want to make
sure that the money your about to receive is clean and legal. Be informed that the fund is now in the United
States in your name, but right now, we have given an authourisation to The Bank of America not to release
the funds untill we ask them to do so.This is because we have to carry out our investigations first before
releasing the funds to you.

So to this regards, you are to re-assure and prove to us that what you are about to receive is clean money
by sending to us, FBI Identification Record and also The Diplomatic Immunity Seal Of Transfer (DIST) to
satify that the money you are about to receive is legitimate. You are to forward the documents to us
immediately if you have it in your possession, if you don’t have it, let us know, so that you will be directed
on how and where to obtain the document and send to us, so that in turn,we will re-authourize the Bank
of America to credit your funds.

However,An FBI Identification Record and Diplomatic Immunity Seal Of Transfer (DIST) often referred to
as a Criminal History Record or Rap Sheet, is a listing of Certain information taken from fingerprint
submissions retained by the FBI in Connection with arrests and, in some instances, federal employment,
naturalization, or military service.

THESE CONDITION IS VALID UNTIL
THE 5th OF DECEMBER 2008, AFTER WHICH WE SHALL TAKE ACTIONS ON CANCELLING THE
PAYMENT AND THEN CHARGE YOU FOR ILLEGALLY MOVING OF FUNDS OUT OF NIGERIA.

GUARANTEE: FUNDS WILL BE RELEASED ON CONFIRMATION OF THESE DOCUMENTS.
——————————————————————————–

FINAL INSTRUCTION:

1, CREDIT PAYMENT INSTRUCTION: IRREVOCABLE CREDIT GUARANTEE

2,BENEFICIARY HAS FULL POWER WHEN VALIDATION IS
CLEARED.

3,BENEFICIARIES BANK IN U.S.A, CAN ONLY RELEASE FUNDS
UPON CONFIRMATION FROM THE WORLD BANK/IMF OR UNITED NATIONS.

4,BEARER MUST CLEAR BANK PROTOCOL AND VALIDATION REQUEST
——————————————————————————–

NOTE: We have asked for the above documents to make available the most complete and up-to date
records possible for the enhancement of public safety, welfare and security of the Society, while
recognizing the importance of individual privacy rights. If you fail to provide the Documents to us,
we will charge you for money laundering and take appriopriate actions against you for not prooving
to this commission, the legitimacy of the funds you are about to receive.

The United States Department of Justice Order (556-73) establishes rules and regulations for the subject
of an FBI Identification Record to obtain a copy of his or her own Record for review.

The FBI Criminal Justice Information Services (CJIS) Division processes these requests to check illegal
activities in the U.S.

An individual may request a copy of his or her own FBI Identification Record for personal review or to
challenge information on the Record. Other reasons an individual may request a copy of his or her own
Identification Record may include international adoption or to satisfy a requirement to live or work in a
foreign country or receive funds from another country (i.e., Diplomatic Immunity Seal Of Transfer, letter of
good conduct, criminal history back ground).

You are adviced to comply urgently.

Faithfully Yours,

FBI Director
Robert S. Mueller, III

A friend of mine sent me this one, which another friend of ours had warned her about.

I can see where this one is going to be catching more than a few people as we enter the holiday season.

______________________________

From: “United Postal Service”
Date: November 24, 2008 3:00:47 PM EST
To: (e-mail edited out by Cybercat)
Subject: Your Tracking # 690253580603

Sorry, we were not able to deliver postal package you sent on November the 1st in time
because the recipient’s address is not correct.

Please print out the invoice copy attached and collect the package at our office.
If you do not receive package in ten days you will have to pay 36$ per day.

Your UPS
<attachment>

______________________________

I got this in the e-mail this morning… I just had to shake my head at it.  I have XX  or ## ‘ed out e-mail and phonenumber information, but otherwise this e-mail is just the way I received it – typos, misplaced punctuation, and all.

I’m not going to bother looking into this one more, but I’m sure these guys would like me to go hand Western Union $125.00.  They get enough people that do that and they are making a pretty good return just on the mass e-mail.

__________________

Hello My Dear
How are you today?
I write to inform you that we have already sent you USD5,000.00 dollars through Westernunion as we have been given the mandate to transfer your full compensation payment total sum of USD1.500,000.00 via western union by this,governemnt.
I was calling your ,telephone number to give you the information through phone but you did not pick up my calls throughout that;yesterday even this morning.Now, I decided to email you the MTCN and sender name so that you will pick upthis USD5,000.00 to enable us send another USD5,000.00 today as you know , we will be sending you only USD5,000.00, per day.
Please pick up this information and run to western union to pick up the USD5,000.00 and call me back to send you another payment today,
Hon; Tony Hubert
Western Union Department
Director General Benin Rep;,
Mobile: ## ### ###-###-##
E-mail: ( western_union33@XXXX.XX )
call or email me once you picked up this USD5,000.00 today.Here is the ,, western union information to pick up the , USD5000.00; MTCN # :### ### ####
Sender’sName:……….PRINCE ACJAA,
Text Question:…………HONEST
Answer………………….TRUST
Amount:………………..USD 5,000.00
I want to remind you that the Western Union Department will ask you to pay $125.00 for Re-newing File before you will pick up your payment via western union.
I am,waiting for your
call once you pick up this USD5,000..00, Please email me your , direct telephone number because I need ,to be calling you once we send any payment for the informations.
Contact me with my private email ; anthony.williams@XXXX.XX
Thanks
ANTHONY WILLIAMS

__________________

Okay, there are a lot of reasons to detest scam artists that con people out of their money, but in my opinion the bottom-feeders of that particular low life are those who specifically target senior citizens. I mention this because I was shown something by a friend of mine earlier this evening. It seems that down in California there was a couple that were taken in by some guy pretending to be their grandson needing help after a car accident.

The story about the Cohasset couple that fell victim to the phone scam, including a video of the news broadcast, can be found at the KNVN Ch 24 website (preceding link). Basically some guy called up in the middle of the night claiming to be their grandson and that he had been in an accident in a rental car in Las Vegas, he needed money wired to him within the hour. The guy knew stuff that sounded legitimate, things the couple suspect he got from a public geaneology site, so they wired the money. They later discovered their grandson was safe and in California – not Nevada. The grandson looked into the wired money and was told that someone with proper ID had collected it from a pickup location in New York.

The police said there was little hope of any recovery of the money (over $2,000), and advised people to never disclose personal information when called. I don’t think that advice would have helped in this situation, since the guy seemed to have all the information already. This is, in my opinion, a good example of a couple that were targeted by a sleeze that knew the scam they were pulling. My sympathies to the couple, I wish I could offer some kind of advice on how to get the money back, but the best I am able to do at this point is to alert others to this scam and help them in their desire to make sure that their being targeted can help others learn to evade these kinds of predators.

The only thing I can think of that I would suggest on this is to ask for a number to call back at before the money is sent, and then call the person who claims to need the money using a number you already had for them, or someone that knows them – such as a parent or sibling, and get independent verification that the person really is where the person calling claimed. If not – immediately pass that number you got on to the police so they can try to catch whoever it really is.

I got an e-mail from someone claiming to be PayPal telling me that there were some suspicious charges connected to the credit card that was associated with my PayPal account.  I sent it to PayPal’s spoof department.

First off, what makes them think I would really believe that PayPal is monitoring the activity of the credit card someone else issued to me?  Now, I might believe if they were seeing suspicious activity with the card that I have through PayPal, but I am not about to believe that PayPal keeps tabs on the purchases made outside of PayPal on cards issued by other people.  That would be like my family doctor calling me up because something odd showed up on the x-rays taken of my dog by my veterinarian.  The two have no reason to be keeping track of what one another are doing.